Change is Going to Come

Here is something that may not surprise you.

Things don’t change on their own, you have to change with them, or maybe more like – you have to change for them… to change that is.

6 weeks into our around the world adventure and I found myself slipping into the doldrums of self-hate and isolation.

It took something to set me off, in this case, it was a mild head cold, followed by a rather intense week with our 6-year-old.

I guess we were both grieving.

I hide it well right? They don’t see me, they don’t know I have this obnoxious illness called BDD?

I am certain that they will figure it out sometime.  Maybe when they are older and they wonder why dad doesn’t look into mirrors or try clothes on. Or why dad is afraid of getting a haircut.

Speaking of which, my hair is very long now, as I haven’t been able to get up the confidence to sit in the mirror to get it cut.

I dabbed some makeup on my nose today and felt better, the depressions lasted one day this time, that was fast I thought, what a difference a day makes.

 A Change is Going to Come

I have had a bit of a transition.

I have been swimming in the pool, talking with strangers and sometimes even forgetting about my facial deformity.  Well not completely but at least long enough to enjoy a few moments of mental peace and quiet.

A few sunsets, a few morning runs, a cool breeze.

Life outside of isolation has been good for me.

On good days, out with the family, out for dinner, interacting with the world I feel human again.

This trip was a good idea, it is making a difference, 6 weeks in… Not bad, but can it last?