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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Owning Your Story

May 10, 2014 By Stephen

medium_2881778314Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy— These are the experiences that make us the most vulnerable and they are also the experiences that make us most alive.

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

And only then can we be truly free from our BDD

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD

Positivity – The Triple Threat to Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder

May 10, 2014 By Stephen

“Positivity” – Use Gratitude, Mindfulness and Meditation to Overcome BDD

According to the book Positivity, The ideal positivity ratio is 3:1

Positive emotions are more subtle than negative ones and we, therefore, need more of them to balance out our emotion ratio.

The ideal ratio is 3:1 – three positive emotions for every negative one, and most of us can achieve this by practicing methods like mindfulness, meditation and writing a gratitude diary.

This ratio has been shown to help us acquire a positive attitude towards life, which makes us more resilient to negative emotions, more tolerant of others and more open to new experiences.

Actionable advice:

Keep a gratitude diary.

Research has shown that by just writing down five experiences that you are grateful for every day, you can easily increase your happiness. An experience you’re grateful for can be anything from a hot shower to an amazing party. When you write your experiences down, think about the emotions those experiences generated to create a deep emotional link.

Meditate for at least five minutes a day.

It can never be said enough: meditation is an amazing technique to increase our mindfulness and reduce stress, pain and anxiety. Try meditating for at least five minutes a day, either when you wake up or just before you go to bed – and if you keep up the habit, you can literally rewire your brain to make yourself feel more positive.

Be Mindful

Mindfulness lets you change your everyday feelingsMindfulness is the new buzzword we read about everywhere – with claims that if you cultivate

Mindfulness is the new buzzword we read about everywhere – with claims that if you cultivate it’s a powerful way to change your habits and intensify positive emotions in your everyday life.

But what exactly does mindfulness mean?

Mindfulness means consciously perceiving and enjoying every moment of your life by willfully focusing on the positive aspects of everything you experience.  For instance, on your way to work, you can let your mind wander to your troubles, or you can focus on and savor the singing birds, the spring flowers or the children playing in the park. Or during a meal that you would usually mindlessly gulp down, you could focus on its many different tastes and textures.

But being mindful doesn’t only apply to positive emotions. It also means being aware of all the negative feelings you experience, so you can rationally examine and question them.

For example, I have just had this cancerous lesion removed from my nose. I can be grateful that we caught it early and it was removed without problems or I can stare at the deep scar and ruminate and hate on myself.ive

Being aware of the negative emotions and having the willful power to push them down and away is the key to obtaining mindfulness when you have BDD.

These reality checks help dissipate most negative emotions, especially our exaggerated reactions to unimportant things, like pimples, the way our nose looks, or various body image concerns that really don’t matter a whole lot in the scheme of things.

When you consider something like that calmly, it’s easy to laugh it off and refocus on the positive.

If this doesn’t work, there’s another way to break out of negative emotions:

Distract yourself.

Say a negative experience just won’t let you be, like some harsh words from a colleague about something you take very personally, maybe it is even something that triggers your BDD. For me, it would be my scars.

This is very hard but don’t keep thinking it over – instead, spend the time redirecting your attention into something useful, like reading through your unanswered emails.

Or sit down and write on your gratitude journal.

Another strategy is to re-evaluate the negative, and try to find something good about it: maybe your boss’ rude remarks or this cancerous scar is an interesting challenge for you to overcome? Maybe there is a lesson in this, maybe it is a reminder of just how precious and fleeting life can be.

Instead of feeling bad, what can you learn from this situation?

Gratitude, Mindfulness, and Meditation… These seem like a collection of very possible to accomplish actions steps, maybe it is time to get to work.

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, positivity

Gratitude Journal – Day 1

May 10, 2014 By Stephen

I have decided to start a gratitude journal, and to make sure I do this I figured I would do it here on this site.

They recommend 5 gratitudes, but today I have a few more.

I just had to have a cancerous lesion removed from my nose. So I have been sulking. After last years, facial laceration I could hardly cope. Now having this deep dime like scar on my nose has been devastating.

But I am reading a short “blink” on a service I love called “blinkist”.

This blink is about positivity. And one of the first recommendations was a gratitude journal, so here goes, this is day 1.

What I am grateful for:

  1. I am grateful for my children and my wife, their health, their vitality their spirit of love and generosity.
  2. I am grateful for long runs in the woods, that are alone and quite and full of fresh air and good smelling tress.
  3. I am grateful that we have found a renter for our house for our next years adventure.
  4. I am grateful for readers who read my work, and share it with others.
  5. I am grateful to have the functions I do have. Like the ability to walk and talk. I am not in a wheelchair. Yes I have some facial scars but not everyone has deserted me.
  6. I am grateful for my sister and my mom and my dad, who love me so much.
  7. I am grateful for hot coffee in the mornings.
  8. I am grateful for sexy kisses from my wife in the morning who is still with me despite my facial flaws.
  9. I am grateful to have financial success and a great job.
  10. I am grateful to be able to wake up and have the possibility to make the world a better place.
  11. I am grateful to be on my to finishing a book that will hopefully help support us throughout next year.

Filed Under: Gratitude Journal, Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: Grateful, Gratitude Journal

Into The Ether

February 17, 2014 By Stephen

I sit here, in the either, too late to be writing but it is too early to go to bed.

Around and around in an infinite loop goes my mind.

I do not know what this year will bring, all I know is that it has to be better.

Leaving my job, leaving our friends and family behind to travel the world.

Is this an escape from my BDD?

Does it really matter what I am running from.

I am 36 and I feel the world like a breeze in my hair, here for one glorious moment and gone the next.

I could rationalize that any activity I do today is no better or worse than any other in the long scheme of things, and this is true.

But some activities require courage, they demand breaking apart from the norm.

All of which may not even matter, but then if that is the case nothing matters, and if that is the case stop reading and move on.

When Creativity Stalls

I can’t stop creating, it is a revolving door, and once one creation has hit the wall it is time for me to move on.

My creation at my current job has run it’s course. There is nowhere else for it to go.

My patients are a beautiful picture in my canvas. Their lives will move on with or without me, they will find a path to better health, and I will also. It may be away from healthcare for now. Away from it all.

I need to heal, and my family has agreed to go along for the ride.

We all need to heal. And grow and prosper and move on.

What a glorious adventure indeed!

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD

Should I Tell My Kids I Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

January 17, 2014 By Stephen

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We all wish for our kids to be strong, confident men and women.

We would tell them that they should respect and care about their bodies.

We would tell them to listen to their hearts, to be who they are, to not let the world dictate their decisions, or make them into something they aren’t.

Yet those of us with BDD are just the opposite.

We let the world dictate our day, we let the feelings of the thoughts of others make us who we are.

If we believe the world thinks we are monsters, then that is what we are, monsters.

We want our kids to live a different life.

My kids don’t know I have BDD, and it is my goal to make sure they never do.

It is not because I don’t want to tell them, because I do.

It is not because I want to protect them, because I know they can handle any truth.

It is because I want them to grow up respecting themselves.

I don’t want them to live in fear like their dad.

I want them to stand in front of the mirror and be proud of who they are.

I want them to know that they can be anything they see (or can imagine) in the world.

I want them to stand confident and proud.

I want them to be who I know I could be if I didn’t have BDD.

A man lost inside his mind, letting the world dictate who he is, afraid of his shadow, walking a fine line between sane and insane.

What would I do if my kids had BDD?

I would tell them they should love themselves as they are… perfect creations of God. Beautiful in every sense of the word.

So, no I am not going to tell my kids I have BDD.

I am instead going to overcome it, and in doing so I am going to tell (show) them a truth that all of us with BDD know deep in side but just can’t accept:

That we are “good enough”, we are just what we need to be, perfection is a lousy lot, we are beautiful, strong and capable human beings. Filled with love and compassion, here to have an experience of life.

Life if so fleeting, so impermanent, so precious.  Let us not waste it on self pity and shame.

To send a different message to my kids would be to steel their time.

Don’t tell your kids you have BDD, instead tell them you love them and then show them the way you want them to be.

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dymsorphic Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Disorder, Dysmorphic, Family, God, Kids

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