BDD SUCKS

Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Life is For The Living So Live It (Or Your Better off Dead)

December 22, 2013 By Stephen

Maybe you already know this so quite possibly this is not such a big deal.

But depression is just fear and anger and sadness all wrapped up in a bundle of hopelessness.

I believe it has a lot to do with the feeling (or belief) that tomorrow will be just as bad as today, and then there is no end in sight.

And when nothing really matters, when we lose the basic premise of living we give up, and this is a sad state of affairs.

Testing Theories

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Last night I decided to test a theory. And it isn’t some breakthrough theory, most of you will be thinking well of course… duh. But it happened at home the other day as I was relaxing and reading a book called “[easyazon_link asin=”1401940838″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”default” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]Second Firsts[/easyazon_link]”.

The book is about loss and how to move beyond grief and begin a “second first”… i.e “starting over”.

We have all experienced loss in some sense of the word and when I saw the author interviewed on the good life project I figured the book may be able to give me some insight into how to overcome my BDD.

Really, when I am in my funks, when I am doing my mirror checking, when I am hating on myself this is usually attached to a sense of grief and/or loss. This loss is rooted in a belief that I had something before (in this case before my new facial scar) that is now gone forever.

And when this imperfection arose it stole my life, and then took with it my ability to be happy.

You will find this when you lose a loved one, a pet, a spouse, a child or even through sickness, disease, accidents. They all share something in common. That once lost life is different, that things have changed.

I RESIST CHANGE

I like to believe (insanely so) that life exists in my bubble, a bubble I perceive to be perfect just the way it is. I have troubles letting go and accepting that all things change. This is a principle I have been working on.

Anyway to get to my point.

My wife coerced me to go out last night to a Christmas party. You may or may not believe it when I tell you I have been avoiding this group of friends for almost the entire year, ever since I got my scar.

Why I have done this in all actuality is completely irrational.

To believe that these kind and generous people would not want to be around me because of a minor imperfection on my face is ridiculous. But to me it is damn real, and the fear that this inspires in me is at times unbearable. But last night I had no choice.

Sadly, I had worried all week about this party. And then something happened.

I was reading in [easyazon_link asin=”1401940838″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”default” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]Second Firsts[/easyazon_link] about how basically if we have a preconceived notion about how something is going to turn out and don’t test it the only thought that we can have is the negative outcome. But if we test it then we have that outcome, the “real” outcome that we can compare this to.

Surprisingly, much of my BDD may actually come from this testing. When I was a kid I remember my mom buying me this Yankees baseball cap that was I guess uncool. I wore it to school and everyone teased me. I never wanted to wear a hat again.

I bought a secret Santa gift for a co-worker 8 years ago that was (I kid you not) light instead of dark chocolate and this coworker made me feel so bad that I have never participated in a secret Santa exchange again.

Small things make me lose my confidence easily. I think I have  a strong desire to please people. And it is out of fear of disapproval that I change my behaviors. Often (if not always) at my loss.

MOVING FORWARD

Human – business evolution

So I went to the party last night and all the guys gave me a bad time for disappearing for 1 year.  Of course they have no idea why I have been MIA.

As I said these are good guys, friendly kind and warm people.

We had a few beers, laughed played with our kids, caught up and guess what not one person said a damn thing about my scar.

I practiced what I had mentioned in a previous post about my bad “loops” think about the other person, and stop letting my mind circle back to me, my face and my image concerns. And I did this fairly well.

When the thoughts would come I would either a) sip the beer or, b) and more commonly let the feeling pass out of me and then focus again on the other person… Paying close attention to what was going on in their life.

UPS AND DOWNS

I am by no means cured after one dinner party. But it is one comparison I can throw into the win column.

This Christmas we have family coming from overseas, people I haven’t seen in quite some tim,e and of course all I can think about is their reaction to my facial scar.

So f’d up… But this is the way it is. So my goal is to have a couple more wins.

The chance for loss is still there and it scares the hell out of me. Scares me to the point of fear, self-loathing and yes the kind of depression I opened this blog post talking about.

But I have a choice I guess, I can live in fear or I can move on.

One steals my most precious asset… time. The other is the choice of experiencing life.

As the band Passenger says so well:

“Don’t you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you’re given
Life’s for the living so live it
Or you’re better of dead”

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: Change, DOWNS, FORWARD, grief, MOVING, Moving Foreward, Moving Forward, test, Testing, Testing Theories

How do I Know if I Have BDD? Body Dysmorphic Disorder Test – The BDDQ

November 5, 2012 By Stephen

BDD is Fairly Common

How Common Is BDD?

Studies Have Found That BDD Occurs in Approximately . . . .

  • 1%–2.4% of adults in the general population .
  • 2.2%–13% of students.
  • 13%–16% of patients who are psychiatrically hospitalized.
  • 14%–42% of outpatients with atypical major depression.
  • 11%–12% of outpatients with social phobia.
  • 3%–37% (average of 17%) of people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
  • 39% of hospitalized patients with anorexia nervosa.
  • 9%–14% of patients seeking treatment from a dermatologist.

BDD is Under-recognized

Health care professionals, however, often overlook BDD. As a result, BDD sufferers may not find out that they have the disorder, and treatment may not succeed because it doesn’t target BDD. In the two studies of psychiatric inpatients, none of the patients who had BDD had raised their BDD symptoms with their doctor or received the diagnosis while in the hospital.

In a study of 200 people with BDD, more than half of those who’d been treated with psychiatric medication had never revealed their BDD symptoms to their doctor, even though their symptoms were a major problem. Other studies have similarly found that BDD usually goes undiagnosed, even among people who are receiving mental health treatment.

Secrecy and Shame

BDD is often a secret disorder. Sufferers don’t reveal their appearance concerns, and health professionals often don’t ask. Many patients I’ve seen have never mentioned their appearance concerns to anyone at all, not even their spouse or closest friend. And many who’ve been in treatment with a mental health professional haven’t revealed their symptoms, even though they’re a serious problem. It takes courage to mention BDD concerns and discuss them with someone else.

Many people with BDD are too ashamed to raise their appearance concerns. If a friend, family member, or health care professional doesn’t ask if the person has such concerns, the sufferer may not reveal them. Reasons for secrecy and shame include the following:

  • Fear of being negatively judged. BDD can be confused with vanity, and some sufferers worry they’ll be considered superficial, silly, or vain, so they keep their worries to themselves;
  • Worry that once the perceived defect is mentioned, others will notice it and scrutinize it even more, causing more embarrassment and shame;
  • Fear that disclosure of the worry will be met with reassurance that the BDD sufferer looks fine.

Many people with BDD interpret this response to mean that they were foolish to have mentioned it, or that their emotional pain isn’t being taken seriously or understood—and they may not mention it again.

You can download this questionnaire in MS Word or PDF format here.

Screening Questions for BDD – The Body Dysmorphic Disorder Questionnaire (BDDQ)

You’re likely to have BDD if you give the following answers on the BDDQ:

  • Question 1: Yes to both parts
  • Question 3: Yes to any of the questions 
  • Question 4: Answer b or c 

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Questionnaire (BDDQ) for Adults

Name  ___________________________________

This questionnaire assesses concerns about physical appearance. Please read each question carefully and circle the answer that best describes your experience. Also write in answers where indicated.

Are you very concerned about the appearance of some part(s) of your body that you consider particularly unattractive?   Yes   No

  • If yes: Do these concerns preoccupy you? That is, you think about them a lot and wish you could think about them less?   Yes   No
  • If yes: What are they?___________________________________
    • Examples of areas of concern include: your skin (e.g., acne, scars, wrinkles, paleness, redness); hair (e.g., hair loss or thinning); the shape or size of your nose, mouth, jaw, lips, stomach, hips, etc.; or defects of your hands, genitals, breasts, or any other body part.
  • If yes: What specifically bothers you about the appearance of these body part(s)? (Explain in detail): ___________________________________

If you answered “No” to either of the above questions, you are finished with this questionnaire. Otherwise please continue.

Is your main concern with your appearance that you aren’t thin enough or that you might become too fat?   

  • Yes
  • No

What effect has your preoccupation with your appearance had on your life?

  • Has your defect(s) caused you a lot of distress or emotional pain?   Yes   No
  • Has it significantly interfered with your social life?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How? ___________________________________
  • Has your defect(s) significantly interfered with your school work, your job, or your ability to function in your role (e.g., as a homemaker)?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How?___________________________________
  • Are there things you avoid because of your defect(s)?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How? __________________________________

How much time do you spend thinking about your defect(s) per day on average? (add up all the time you spend) (circle one)

  • (a) Less than 1 hour a day
  • (b) 1–3 hours a day
  • (c) More than 3 hours a day

On the BDDQ

  • Question 1 establishes whether preoccupation is present.
  • Question 3 determines whether it causes significant distress or impairment in functioning.
  • Question 4 is useful, even though the BDD diagnostic criteria don’t require that the perceived defect be thought about for a specified amount of time a day. If you spend at least 1 hour a day thinking about perceived appearance flaws, the diagnosis is more likely. But if it’s less than an hour a day, in total, this probably isn’t enough time or preoccupation to fulfill criterion 1 for the diagnosis.

A Note of Caution about the BDDQ:

It’s intended to screen for BDD, not diagnose it. What this means is that the BDDQ can suggest that BDD is present but can’t necessarily give a firm diagnosis. The diagnosis is ideally determined by a trained clinician in a face-to-face interview. There are several reasons for this. First, clinical judgment should be used to confirm that:

  1. Answers on the BDDQ (a self-report questionnaire) indicate the presence of a disorder (for example, that any distress or impairment reported on the questionnaire is problematic enough to warrant a psychiatric diagnosis).
  2. The physical defect is nonexistent or slight; and
  3. The appearance concerns aren’t better accounted for by an eating disorder. A “yes” answer to question 2 raises the possibility that an eating disorder might be a more accurate diagnosis.
This post and the material herein was adapted from: 

Phillips, Katharine A. (2009-01-12). Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Oxford University Press.

Filed Under: Diagnosis of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, BDDQ, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Image, diagnosis, How do I know, Psychology, questionairre, test