I am reading a wonderful book right now – Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, by Brene Brown.
I have read her previous book in 2013 after watching her now famously viral Ted Talk on shame research. It moved me then and her new book brings even more insights to the reasoning behind BDD (although it is not written for this purpose).
This new book is about vulnerability. Just 17% of the way through the book I am convinced that a fear of vulnerability is the underlying cause of BDD.
Vulnerability is ………
Finish the above statement and see what you come up with.
For me:
Vulnerability is going outside without my manly makeup on my nose.
Vulnerability is having a face to face conversation with someone in bright halogen lighting.
Vulnerability is camping with friends and having to get out of the shower when the hot water has caused my nasal bridge scar to flush.
Vulnerability is anything that may result in criticism or judgement from another human being about my face.
I don’t like vulnerability
Vulnerability is taking my daughter to a birthday party and having to deal with a temper tantrum in public which will draw attention.
Vulnerability is having a Skype conversation because I can’t stand the self-facing camera.
Vulnerability is looking in the mirror and dealing with my own self-criticism and hate.
My BDD and the social anxiety that comes with it stem from a fear of being vulnerable. I am afraid of that glance (perceived or real) at my scars, or even worse a comment.
Yet, at the same time I seek out and admire anyone who would allow themselves to be vulnerable, to embrace their imperfections.
I want to experience your vulnerability but I do not want to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.
I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.
It’s vulnerability that is the basic building block of all human relationships. If I can let myself be vulnerable, I can break the bonds that hold me back from freedom from my BDD.
Thus begins the journey of 1,000 miles, and it begins with embracing my imperfections and presenting them proudly to the world.
And this, makes me feel very, very vulnerable.
– Stephen
