Tracing Fingers Over My Lover’s Scars

This is an email I received from blog reader “Jade”…

I have been reading your archives because I’m looking for validation in my emotions as I have BDD.

The main reason for my message to you is to tell you my perception of your scar.

I know you don’t like people to comment on your scar and I know it’s not helpful. However, I’m wondering if anyone has ever had the courage to say how they feel about it.

I saw your photo of your scar and I thought it was lovely.

Not because I wish scars were lovely, but as a teenager, most of my boyfriends had acne and acne scarring and I believe them to be attractive.

However, I don’t believe this of myself.

I also wanted to tell you a story about a girl. When someone asked her what she loved most about her lovers, she replied “tracing my fingers over my lover’s scars.”

I truly believe scars are beautiful and we are conditioned by society to be ashamed of them.

Some cultures scar their faces on purpose because it’s deemed attractive.

Perceptions

I believe it’s about perception.

One thing that has helped me (along with this list of books) is The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges by Paul Gilbert.

I admire your courage to let people see you, I hope to be like you one day.

I believe the key to overcoming BDD is not changing our faces and bodies nor realizing others like or don’t care about our appearance.

But to have self-worth that isn’t reliant on others perception.

And to truly have compassion for those who have negative thoughts about others and us.

And overall not care what anybody thinks about our appearance or us in general.

To be compassionate with ourselves.

Anyone who is critical and cruel isn’t something I admire or want to take seriously.

I hope the little that has helped me may provoke thought in you.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us

– Jade

Thank you, Jade, your email meant the world to me and I know it will also give courage to others as it has to me.