In this series I will be searching for voices. Those voices who suffer from BDD, the ones scattered across the ether.
I hear their voices, because they have been mine, they make rounds in my head. Alone, we suffer in self-hate, but together our voices can take shape. Even in disgust, we can find love, and hope and the makings of life. Because if not, we are better off dead.
I JUST WANT TO LIVE BUT IT IS GETTING SO HARD
It been 2 1/2 years and I don’t think there has been a moment in that time that I have not had the thought and image of my scarred body leave my mind.
There is just so much regret and blame and I have managed to ruin my life, financially, career and in relationships through my uncontrollable crying and constant obsession with my body.
I am learning to keep it inside but it is very hard and I feel like I am suffering with it all the time. It really is a hellish way to live and I would love to find a way to reduce and hopefully end the suffering.
I do not want to kill myself… but I think of it all the time and it is a very painful thought.
I would like to focus on how I can start to see and value myself as more than just a body.
To learn to see my qualities that are more important like compassionate and kind and caring.
I just want to live but it is getting so hard.
I can not escape these horrible thoughts about my body.
I would love to connect and communicate with anyone that can relate and has found things that have helped them.
~ Dede
