BDD SUCKS

Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Accept Life as it is to Overcome BDD: There is Endless Futility in Regret and Worry

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There is a principle in Daoism that may very well hold the key to happiness: “All Things Change.” Today when I was in the mirror lamenting my body image concerns I found this poem. I think it speaks highly to BDD and is a lesson in the futility of regret and worry. For me, it is also an extremely hard pill to swallow.

Life as it is – by Ralph Marston

Whatever may happen, there is no need for dismay.

Always, there is the opportunity to creatively and successfully deal with the things life sends your way.

There’s nothing to be gained by wishing that things had turned out differently.

Pick yourself up, connect with the energy of your passion, put a smile on your face and move forward with what is.

Your best choice is always to be your best. And you can’t be your best when you’re complaining or regretting or worried or dismayed.

Every situation generates a new set of positive possibilities. So in every situation, choose to see those possibilities and to enthusiastically follow them.

Each setback is just another step toward getting where you have chosen to go.

Learn, adapt, re-commit, and get quickly back on track.

Every twist and turn in the road of life gives you the opportunity to make a difference. Relish those opportunities, make the most of them, and build a magnificent life.

– Ralph Marston

What Are Your Thoughts and Beliefs about Your Appearance?

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If you have severe appearance concerns, you might think others notice your flaw and are repelled by it.

I worry that anyone I talk to will look at my defect, and then I feel ashamed of it. I’m extremely suspicious of compliments, maybe that is why I hardly ever get them.

I tend to think others are talking and laughing about my flaw.

The other day when I walked out of a store and noticed two individuals of the opposite sex looking in my direction and giggling. I immediately thought, “They must be laughing about my scar.” If I can’t stop thinking about my scar, I reasoned, how could anyone else?

Even though I had no evidence to support this assumption, I spent the rest of the afternoon  feeling sad and discouraged.

“I am on the inside as I am on the outside”

Many people also assume that the defect they’re sure they have is a visible manifestation of some character flaw.

Personal worth and physical appearance become commingled and confused.

When I look at my scar in the mirror I tend to think  I look “really ugly and mean.” How I am on the inside, that’s how I look on the outside: bad and repulsive.

If you hold similar beliefs about the relationship of appearance and self-worth, you’re really in trouble when you think your appearance is imperfect.

As a result, you might feel sad or anxious and start to avoid social activities. Or you might engage in all kinds of activities to fix whatever you consider the appearance problem to be.

That’s where I am: locked inside my mind, stuck behind me scar, unavailable to the world, to my children, and to my wife.  Afraid of the “ugly man I see”… too afraid to look in the mirror… too afraid of what I’ll see.

Assessing The Cost of Appearance Concerns and Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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This is my first exercise from Feeling Good about the Way You Look: A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems. Kindle location 1109 at 24%.

What is My Poor Body Image Costing Me?

Having struggled with poor body image for quite some time I have adjusted life to accommodate my problems. I was no longer aware of the huge toll my problems have taken on my life. Here is my list of disadvantages of being obsessed with my appearance. I will use these to help motivate me to make change.

  1. Dissatisfaction
  2. Shame/embarrassment
  3. Guilt
  4. Anxiety
  5. Concern that my children will become preoccupied with appearance
  6. Loneliness/isolation
  7. Jealousy of better looking people
  8. Self hate
  9. Disgust
  10. Anger
  11. Fear of rejection of abandonment
  12. Fear of being ridiculed
  13. Avoidance of intimate relationships
  14. Stress on relationships due to avoidance behaviors or comparing
  15. Making excuses or lying about the problem
  16. Not being fully present at work because of appearance concerns
  17. Being late because of rituals
  18. Avoidance of body focused activities (swimming, gym, sun)
  19. Refusing overnight trips
  20. Avoidance of social activities
  21. Feeling horrible in certain clothes
  22. Avoidance of getting your picture taken
  23. Avoidance of mirrors
  24. Avoidance of being seen from certain angles
  25. Avoidance of certain tasks (for example, sitting near a window or under bright lights) 
  26. Time for rituals (mirror checking, comparing, shopping appearance fixing)
  27. Accidents due to mirror checking
  28. Alcohol or drugs to cope with preoccupation
  29. Cost of beauty products suck as skin creams and soaps

Questions to Ask Yourself if You are Losing Motivation

  • Do I want to change? Yes
  • Do I want to stop being so obsessed with my looks? Yes
  • Do I want to stop comparing? Yes
  • Am I tired of being scared by mirrors? Yes