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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Location of Perceived Defects in Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

May 9, 2013 By Stephen

Studies, illustrates that BDD can strike virtually anywhere. The skin, hair, and nose are most often disliked. It’s likely that people underreport worries about certain body areas—for example, breasts and genitals—because they’re embarrassed, and that the true percentages for such areas are higher than those listed here.

Body Part Percent (%) of Patients with Concern
Skin
Hair
Nose
Weight
Stomach
Breast/chest/nipples
Eyes
Thighs
Teeth
Legs (overall)
Body build/bone structure
Ugly face (general)
Face size/shape
Lips
Buttocks
Chin
Eyebrows
Hips
Ears
Arms/wrist
Waist
Genitals
Cheeks/cheekbones
Calves
Height
Head size/shape
Forehead
Feet
Hands
Jaw
Mouth
Back
Fingers
Neck
Shoulders
Knees
Toes
Ankles
Facial muscles
73
56
37
22
22
21
20
20
20
18
16
14
12
12
12
11
11
11
9
9
9
8
8
8
7
6
6
6
6
6
6
6
5
5
3
3
3
2
1

* The percentages add up to more than 100% because people are usually concerned with more than one aspect of their appearance.

Skin Concerns:

Skin concerns are most frequent. Two-thirds of people with skin concerns obsess about perceived acne or scarring. This is followed by concerns with marks (in one-third) and skin color (in one-quarter), with people typically thinking their skin is too red or too white. But virtually any aspect of the skin can be disliked—facial pores that are considered unusually large, veins, capillaries, or other skin flaws. Others obsess about wrinkles, lines, sagging, shriveling, or stretch marks, which they may consider signs of aging.

Some people have multiple skin concerns. They become obsessed with supposed facial acne and scars, as well as veins, which were barely discernible to other people. They excessively check mirrors and repeatedly ask family for reassurance, asking “Do you think this pimple will go away? Will I have a scar?” To improve their skin, people will spend lots of time applying makeup and picking at their face, sometimes using pins. People will compulsively wash their hands.

Hair Concerns

Hair concerns are also very common. The most common worries focus on hair loss, thinning, or balding (a concern of one-third of people who dislike their hair) and excessive facial or body hair (also one-third). But hair obsessions may focus on virtually any aspect of the hair: it’s too curly, too straight, too full, not full enough, uneven, messy, or dirty.

While men are more likely to worry about thinning hair, women have this concern as well.  Getting a haircut is usually very distressing for people with hair concerns. “I’m terrified of getting my hair cut,”. “Getting the right haircut is crucial. How I feel and function depends on how I happen to look and the quality of my haircut.” Hair concerns may also involve other body hair. Men may be preoccupied with supposedly uneven, light, or heavy beard growth. Men or women may think they have too much or too little body hair.

Nose Concerns

Nose concerns are also very common. About 60% of people with nose concerns worry that their nose is too large. More than a quarter worry that it’s bumpy or misshapen. People with nose concerns are especially likely to have surgery—often repeated surgeries.

Total Body Concerns

BDD can also involve larger body areas. Some people dislike virtually their entire body. About one-quarter of men with BDD are preoccupied with their overall body build, thinking they look too small or inadequately muscular. This form of BDD is called “muscle dysmorphia”. Others—often women—are concerned that they’re too large or overweight. In studies up to 22% of female BDD sufferers were excessively concerned with their weight.

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Part, Face, Hair, Hair Concerns, Image, Nails, Nose Concerns, Self Hate, Skin, Skin Concerns, Total Body Concerns

How do I Know if I Have BDD? Body Dysmorphic Disorder Test – The BDDQ

November 5, 2012 By Stephen

BDD is Fairly Common

How Common Is BDD?

Studies Have Found That BDD Occurs in Approximately . . . .

  • 1%–2.4% of adults in the general population .
  • 2.2%–13% of students.
  • 13%–16% of patients who are psychiatrically hospitalized.
  • 14%–42% of outpatients with atypical major depression.
  • 11%–12% of outpatients with social phobia.
  • 3%–37% (average of 17%) of people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
  • 39% of hospitalized patients with anorexia nervosa.
  • 9%–14% of patients seeking treatment from a dermatologist.

BDD is Under-recognized

Health care professionals, however, often overlook BDD. As a result, BDD sufferers may not find out that they have the disorder, and treatment may not succeed because it doesn’t target BDD. In the two studies of psychiatric inpatients, none of the patients who had BDD had raised their BDD symptoms with their doctor or received the diagnosis while in the hospital.

In a study of 200 people with BDD, more than half of those who’d been treated with psychiatric medication had never revealed their BDD symptoms to their doctor, even though their symptoms were a major problem. Other studies have similarly found that BDD usually goes undiagnosed, even among people who are receiving mental health treatment.

Secrecy and Shame

BDD is often a secret disorder. Sufferers don’t reveal their appearance concerns, and health professionals often don’t ask. Many patients I’ve seen have never mentioned their appearance concerns to anyone at all, not even their spouse or closest friend. And many who’ve been in treatment with a mental health professional haven’t revealed their symptoms, even though they’re a serious problem. It takes courage to mention BDD concerns and discuss them with someone else.

Many people with BDD are too ashamed to raise their appearance concerns. If a friend, family member, or health care professional doesn’t ask if the person has such concerns, the sufferer may not reveal them. Reasons for secrecy and shame include the following:

  • Fear of being negatively judged. BDD can be confused with vanity, and some sufferers worry they’ll be considered superficial, silly, or vain, so they keep their worries to themselves;
  • Worry that once the perceived defect is mentioned, others will notice it and scrutinize it even more, causing more embarrassment and shame;
  • Fear that disclosure of the worry will be met with reassurance that the BDD sufferer looks fine.

Many people with BDD interpret this response to mean that they were foolish to have mentioned it, or that their emotional pain isn’t being taken seriously or understood—and they may not mention it again.

You can download this questionnaire in MS Word or PDF format here.

Screening Questions for BDD – The Body Dysmorphic Disorder Questionnaire (BDDQ)

You’re likely to have BDD if you give the following answers on the BDDQ:

  • Question 1: Yes to both parts
  • Question 3: Yes to any of the questions 
  • Question 4: Answer b or c 

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Questionnaire (BDDQ) for Adults

Name  ___________________________________

This questionnaire assesses concerns about physical appearance. Please read each question carefully and circle the answer that best describes your experience. Also write in answers where indicated.

Are you very concerned about the appearance of some part(s) of your body that you consider particularly unattractive?   Yes   No

  • If yes: Do these concerns preoccupy you? That is, you think about them a lot and wish you could think about them less?   Yes   No
  • If yes: What are they?___________________________________
    • Examples of areas of concern include: your skin (e.g., acne, scars, wrinkles, paleness, redness); hair (e.g., hair loss or thinning); the shape or size of your nose, mouth, jaw, lips, stomach, hips, etc.; or defects of your hands, genitals, breasts, or any other body part.
  • If yes: What specifically bothers you about the appearance of these body part(s)? (Explain in detail): ___________________________________

If you answered “No” to either of the above questions, you are finished with this questionnaire. Otherwise please continue.

Is your main concern with your appearance that you aren’t thin enough or that you might become too fat?   

  • Yes
  • No

What effect has your preoccupation with your appearance had on your life?

  • Has your defect(s) caused you a lot of distress or emotional pain?   Yes   No
  • Has it significantly interfered with your social life?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How? ___________________________________
  • Has your defect(s) significantly interfered with your school work, your job, or your ability to function in your role (e.g., as a homemaker)?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How?___________________________________
  • Are there things you avoid because of your defect(s)?   Yes   No
  • If yes: How? __________________________________

How much time do you spend thinking about your defect(s) per day on average? (add up all the time you spend) (circle one)

  • (a) Less than 1 hour a day
  • (b) 1–3 hours a day
  • (c) More than 3 hours a day

On the BDDQ

  • Question 1 establishes whether preoccupation is present.
  • Question 3 determines whether it causes significant distress or impairment in functioning.
  • Question 4 is useful, even though the BDD diagnostic criteria don’t require that the perceived defect be thought about for a specified amount of time a day. If you spend at least 1 hour a day thinking about perceived appearance flaws, the diagnosis is more likely. But if it’s less than an hour a day, in total, this probably isn’t enough time or preoccupation to fulfill criterion 1 for the diagnosis.

A Note of Caution about the BDDQ:

It’s intended to screen for BDD, not diagnose it. What this means is that the BDDQ can suggest that BDD is present but can’t necessarily give a firm diagnosis. The diagnosis is ideally determined by a trained clinician in a face-to-face interview. There are several reasons for this. First, clinical judgment should be used to confirm that:

  1. Answers on the BDDQ (a self-report questionnaire) indicate the presence of a disorder (for example, that any distress or impairment reported on the questionnaire is problematic enough to warrant a psychiatric diagnosis).
  2. The physical defect is nonexistent or slight; and
  3. The appearance concerns aren’t better accounted for by an eating disorder. A “yes” answer to question 2 raises the possibility that an eating disorder might be a more accurate diagnosis.
This post and the material herein was adapted from: 

Phillips, Katharine A. (2009-01-12). Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Oxford University Press.

Filed Under: Diagnosis of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, BDDQ, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Image, diagnosis, How do I know, Psychology, questionairre, test

The Best Books for Treating and Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder

November 3, 2012 By Stephen

Here is my list of the best books on the subject of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  There is other literature which focuses more on the topic of body image that I will discuss in a later post.

My Favorites

[easyazon_link asin=”0195379403″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”no” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder[/easyazon_link]by Katherine Phillips, M.D.

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”no” align=”left” asin=”0195379403″ cloaking=”default” height=”160″ localization=”default” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41EPnEUr9pL._SL160_.jpg” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ width=”112″]A Wonderful, concise and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information!Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients
[easyazon_link asin=”1572307307″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”no” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]Feeling Good about the Way You Look: A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems[/easyazon_link] by Sabine Wilhelm, Ph.D.

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”no” align=”left” asin=”1572307307″ cloaking=”default” height=”160″ localization=”default” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51FiFo3cq0L._SL160_.jpg” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ width=”107″]This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control.

The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.

[easyazon_link asin=”1572242930″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”no” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions[/easyazon_link] by James Claiborn, Ph.D. and Cherry Pedrick, R.N.

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”no” align=”left” asin=”1572242930″ cloaking=”default” height=”160″ localization=”default” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417CIWn0qSL._SL160_.jpg” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ width=”124″]This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been engrained in your memory for decades.I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.
[easyazon_link asin=”0195167198″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ add_to_cart=”no” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” nofollow=”default” popups=”default”]The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder[/easyazon_link] by Katherine Phillips, M.D.

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”no” align=”left” asin=”0195167198″ cloaking=”default” height=”160″ localization=”default” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417CpMIe55L._SL160_.jpg” tag=”4hourlife00-20″ width=”100″]KatherinePhillips other book “Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder” is a more concise and consolidated read, it is also newer.But, if you want a more in-depth look into BDD and it’s treatment by the worlds leading expert, then “The Broken Mirror” is a must read. Probably still considered the gold standard.

Filed Under: Literature, Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Books, Image, Katherine Phillips, Literature, Reading, The Best of, Treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

Anxiety and Fear – Overcoming Agoraphobia and Body Dysmorphic Disorder

October 6, 2012 By Stephen

It has been a while since I have been out with a group of people that I did not know well.

This has been out of fear mostly, my belief that my facial deformity would be too distracting for others to accept has kept me home-bound.

Most of this is because of a scar to my face, a recent injury that I sustained while surfing. It ended in 8 stitches and a pretty significant scar on my left cheek. At least it was significant to me.

As I have mentioned before I have had BDD since I was probably 15 or 16. I had learned to control it, but this incident sent me overboard.

All my facial concerns landed on me like a ton of bricks. And until today this is where I sat, buried under the weight of it all, short of breath, wishing for my life back.

JUMPING IN

medium_190650280 (1)

Until today I had worn a band-aid over the scar. People at work I could tell were wondering why I still wore this band-aid after several weeks. I told them it was still healing, of course they didn’t know it was my mind I was really talking about.

This made things only worse and over the last week more and more people started to ask me about scar and if they could see it.

I hid behind this band-aid, but unlike other scars or wounds people seemed to feel they had a right to ask me to remove my cover.

Strange I thought, I surely wouldn’t ask this of another person. But then again nobody knows what goes on in my mind.

DISROBING

medium_5367914919 (1)

So today I took it off. My family told me not too, even my wife felt I may not be ready, but I did it anyway. It caused me such anxiety that I found myself in a cold sweat.

But I knew that as long as I hid behind the band-aid I made it worse. I drew more attention to the imperfection.

The problem is that when it was covered I could deal. When I looked in the mirror and did my checks there was one more step to see the blemish. Just the action of having to remove the band-aid stopped my compulsion to look.  So in this sense it was a protection.

But, it also prevented me from overcoming my worst fear.  And that was the fear of people having to see me with this scar. Watching their eyes draw to it. Knowing that it existed was enough, knowing that others knew it existed was more than I could bear.

THE DELUSION

Immediately when I entered the room I expected people to gasp, but they didn’t. They hardly even noticed. I looked for their reaction all night, when the lights came on I actually went into where I knew it was the worst, I looked for their reaction, but it was non-existent.

Is my mind playing tricks on me or are these people just really to kind to say anything?   I sit with this question tonight.   And to be honest I am still not quite sure about the answer, or maybe I am too afraid to know the truth.

But at least I did it. I tested it and you know what I survived!


Some Tips

  • The mind will try to prove both the delusion as well as the reality. The only way to understand the difference is to test your theories of what is real. The problem with BDD is that it is hard to know what is real, to know if your thoughts are warranted or just a figment of your imagination.  For me this night taught me something: that it is possible the images I hold in my mind are not real.
  • You have to get out into the world. The fear at times is overwhelming for me.  But had I not gone out I would never have had this brief, yet important moment of healing. The delusions in my head would continue their loop.
  • Put yourself in fears way, it is the only way to heal, regardless of what you may think.

 

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: Agoraphobia, Anxiety, BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Dysmporphic Disorder, Fear, Jumping In, Social Anxiety

How Family Can Help – Body Dysmorphic Disorder – A Letter From My Wife

October 5, 2012 By Stephen

Hug LetterI will wait for you. I love you. Right now you are on a journey that only you can traverse. I want to be your partner in this and try as I may.

I will always be doing the wrong thing most of the time. This doesn’t mean I’ll give up. It means I will do my best to let you go so you can come back, because you are worth waiting for. I look into your eyes and I hurt for you and want to find you. Somewhere you are still there  whether you believe it or not.

We will wait for you to come back from the depths and grips of the trench you are in. We will love all of you,  yes even your face and your scar. To me it’s just a mark showing the love of life you have, the love of the ocean, the love of peace surfing can bring you.

It hurts to know that something you loved so much, something that sometimes was the only solace in your life could scar you for life; inside and out.

Don’t let it do that to you. Sometimes best friends fight and it does leave a scar. We are always stronger once we come up for air from the depths of despair, for that is life. Your mental illness does not have to define you or chain you down.

I truly believe God loves you and is crying for you. You are my partner, lover, friend, father to my children and my other soul I need to enjoy the  rest of my life with.

Yes, I know sometimes you feel I’d be better off without you, and yes sometimes I have felt the same in my depths of depression. But believe me, I would not. A giant hole will be left there, unable to fill but only to put a band-aid over each day.

You hurt, I hurt, but I know you can be happy again.

I will wait for you. I love you and all of you.

Your loving wife and partner for eternity,

Wendy

Filed Under: What You Can do to Help a Loved One with Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Family, How Family Can Help, Letter, Love, What To Do

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