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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Change is Going to Come

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Here is something that may not surprise you.

Things don’t change on their own, you have to change with them, or maybe more like – you have to change for them… to change that is.

6 weeks into our around the world adventure and I found myself slipping into the doldrums of self-hate and isolation.

It took something to set me off, in this case, it was a mild head cold, followed by a rather intense week with our 6-year-old.

I guess we were both grieving.

I hide it well right? They don’t see me, they don’t know I have this obnoxious illness called BDD?

I am certain that they will figure it out sometime.  Maybe when they are older and they wonder why dad doesn’t look into mirrors or try clothes on. Or why dad is afraid of getting a hair cut.

Speaking of which, my hair is very long now, as I haven’t been able to get up the confidence to sit in the mirror to get it cut.

I dabbed some makeup on my nose today and felt better, the depressions lasted one day this time, that was fast I thought, what a difference a day makes.

 A Change is Going to Come

I have had a bit of a transition.

I have been swimming in the pool, talking with strangers and sometimes even forgetting about my facial deformity.  Well not completely but at least long enough to enjoy a few moments of mental peace and quiet.

A few sunsets, a few morning runs, a cool breeze.

Life outside of isolation has been good for me.

On good days, out with the family, out for dinner, interacting with the world I feel human again.

This trip was a good idea, it is making a difference, 6 weeks in… Not bad, but can it last?

Books Worth Reading

Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a wonderful book written by Brian Cuban – The brother of famed billionaire and tech mogul Mark Cuban from The Shark Tank. It is great to finally hear a man’s voice in this space. The book is honest, timely, and gives practical advice that we can all use to overcome BDD. The book is also available in the Kindle Lending library which is how I found it. This is a must-read.
The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A fantastic, concise, and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information! Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients.
Feeling Good about the Way You Look A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems

This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions

This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been ingrained in your memory for decades. I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self-directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.

About Stephen

My name is Stephen and I was officially diagnosed with BDD in October of 2012. I have lived with it my whole life. This blog is my story, my shame, and my path to recovery. It starts on Day 1 of my new life. To live, and love myself, to teach others how to do the same, and learn more about what it means to live with body dysmorphic disorder. Here are some resources that I use...

Comments

  1. allison muir says

    helpful website for me..lifelong struggle with eating disorders and body image/self hatred..want to recover,become healthy today.trying to cultivate daily gratitude and affirmations.

    • Stephen says

      Hi Allison, I have my ups and downs with this one as well, but today you have reminded me that I should indeed be grateful, so thank you!

      – Stephen