So many people, so many parties, so much fear.

So much hate and so many mirrors, so much to disguise yet there is nowhere to hide.

Looking for rocks, I feel exposed, out in the open with nowhere to hide.

The holiday cheer fills me with joy, yet deep inside me is this small place where my fear, hate and self loathing resides.

It doesn’t go away. I want to wrap it and give it as a gift. Like a white elephant gift that I can put away for a while and bring out a different year. It’s like a hot potato that keeps coming back to me. I can’t let it go.

MY BDD IS A NIGHTMARE

The pain I feel is so deep-rooted in my psyche that it has burrowed a hole straight into my brain.

I need to dig it out and burn it. Kiss it good-by and take back my life.