Goodbye 2013

Maybe it is a bit cliché’ to be writing a post on the last day of the year, but I am writing anyway.

Writing has become my form of therapy, the place I can go to escape into my thoughts. Maybe part of the suffering that comes along with BDD is the product of over thinking.

But if BDD is a product of over thinking then I guess I would prefer to live this life than one without BDD soaking up the Novocaine of a thoughtless life.

The Novocaine of a Thoughtless Life

This year has been the worst year of my life with BDD.  It has been the product of an injury, but rest assured the injury did not cause the BDD. The BDD was there, and the injury added insult to injury.

How do you overcome what seems impossible?  Sometimes living with BDD seems impossible. If you feel this way rest assured you are not alone.

Hello New Year

I am a believer  that every problem has a solution. Problems are a part of life. I also believe that BDD is a form of self-pity that doesn’t suit me. I wear the suit but it doesn’t suit me. So I reject it as a way of life.

I believe in neuroplasticity, that my BDD is a product of conditioning, poor conditioning that has resulted in intense fear which revolves around my appearance. This intense fear is irrational and detrimental to me.

I reject it as a way of life. I am a brave and strong person and this fear doesn’t suit me.

I work in health care as a family practice Physician Assistant. I treat patients in every stage of life that have overcome horrible things. One patient of mine was molested by every man in her family, including her father… This resulted in her first pregnancy at the age of 14. This son, the result of this pregnancy led a troubled life. The result of a long road of addiction by the mother who is hardly to blame. These are “the sins of the father.” Last week the son was just shot point-blank in the back after spending the last 15 years in jail, this happened on the second day of his release.

Being in a gang didn’t suit him, but it was conditioned into his life, prison made his world small, and thus his options appeared limited. The bullet in the back was the finale of a long set of waterfall type steps, one proceeding the next in succession. Like a waterfall or like a set of dominoes, each event depends on the one before it.

But, like dominoes and the rivers that precede a waterfall there is always a chance to intervene. there is always a chance to change the direction of flow.  This can only happen if we change our atmosphere, or our thinking to accept it.

FOR SO LONG NOW

For so long now I have accepted a list of lies. It is time to stop.

In a book I am reading (Second Firsts) It talks about “plug-ins.” Small maybe 5% challenge steps that allow us to “plug-in” to life in small steps. Baby steps…

The reason this is funny in “What About Bob” is because it really is true. Plug-ins are the same thing, small 5% steps that we can do to get out of our negative habit loops. 

Plugging In

For over a year I have been plugged out! Plugged out of everything that would induce fear, that would cause me to exit my comfort zone. That would shed light on the imperfections I assume to be distasteful to humanity as a whole.

This lack of confidence stems from my fear of being rejected. And again it makes no sense. We have all been rejected, life is a series of possible rejections, but most interactions are positive. The rejections only hurt if we let them take over our sense of well-being.

I have let them invade my mind. One rejection is worth 1000 positive affirmations in the mind of those of us with BDD. In fact I think they are so painful we would rather avoid any chance of them.

So, you have to take steps to overcome your fear. This holiday season I pushed the limits and did many small plugins. This included holiday party’s, time with friends. more time at my children s school helping, more time without a baseball cap on my head.

In 2014 I have to do more plug-ins because they really do help.

Some ideas:

1. Work in my daughters school a couple of times a month in the classroom
2. Join a local meetup group
3. Change jobs to work closer to home, or quit work and begin a one yea travel adventure.

I think if I do just these 3 things this year it will make a huge difference. I will feel closer to my community, it will allow me to make much-needed social connections, it will have a large positive influence on my life.

Your Goals:

If you haven’t “plugged in” think about identifying some areas in your life where you can make small changes, that are doable. Try 5% doable.

If this is putting your clothes on and going for a walk or to the grocery store that is just fine. Maybe you are already there, maybe it is something such as joining a dating site, or even going out on a date.

The thing is that with BDD our fears almost always revolve around a set of self hateful thoughts that are likely to revolve around an idea of how other people receive us. But they are always, YES ALWAYS not real.

Yes, we may have a physical IMPERFECTION, but life is so IMPERFECT, that it is just part of life. Therefore any body image concerns we have are pointless, irrational concerns that we let dictate our life.

Life is so short, it is not a dress rehearsal, so don’t give BDD any more of it.

Plug into life this new year, take a small step, a baby step today to lessen your fears. It will be scary, but it will teach your mind that many of its beliefs are not grounded in reality.