BDD SUCKS

Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Location of Perceived Defects in Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

May 9, 2013 By Stephen

Studies, illustrates that BDD can strike virtually anywhere. The skin, hair, and nose are most often disliked. It’s likely that people underreport worries about certain body areas—for example, breasts and genitals—because they’re embarrassed, and that the true percentages for such areas are higher than those listed here.

Body Part Percent (%) of Patients with Concern
Skin
Hair
Nose
Weight
Stomach
Breast/chest/nipples
Eyes
Thighs
Teeth
Legs (overall)
Body build/bone structure
Ugly face (general)
Face size/shape
Lips
Buttocks
Chin
Eyebrows
Hips
Ears
Arms/wrist
Waist
Genitals
Cheeks/cheekbones
Calves
Height
Head size/shape
Forehead
Feet
Hands
Jaw
Mouth
Back
Fingers
Neck
Shoulders
Knees
Toes
Ankles
Facial muscles
73
56
37
22
22
21
20
20
20
18
16
14
12
12
12
11
11
11
9
9
9
8
8
8
7
6
6
6
6
6
6
6
5
5
3
3
3
2
1

* The percentages add up to more than 100% because people are usually concerned with more than one aspect of their appearance.

Skin Concerns:

Skin concerns are most frequent. Two-thirds of people with skin concerns obsess about perceived acne or scarring. This is followed by concerns with marks (in one-third) and skin color (in one-quarter), with people typically thinking their skin is too red or too white. But virtually any aspect of the skin can be disliked—facial pores that are considered unusually large, veins, capillaries, or other skin flaws. Others obsess about wrinkles, lines, sagging, shriveling, or stretch marks, which they may consider signs of aging.

Some people have multiple skin concerns. They become obsessed with supposed facial acne and scars, as well as veins, which were barely discernible to other people. They excessively check mirrors and repeatedly ask family for reassurance, asking “Do you think this pimple will go away? Will I have a scar?” To improve their skin, people will spend lots of time applying makeup and picking at their face, sometimes using pins. People will compulsively wash their hands.

Hair Concerns

Hair concerns are also very common. The most common worries focus on hair loss, thinning, or balding (a concern of one-third of people who dislike their hair) and excessive facial or body hair (also one-third). But hair obsessions may focus on virtually any aspect of the hair: it’s too curly, too straight, too full, not full enough, uneven, messy, or dirty.

While men are more likely to worry about thinning hair, women have this concern as well.  Getting a haircut is usually very distressing for people with hair concerns. “I’m terrified of getting my hair cut,”. “Getting the right haircut is crucial. How I feel and function depends on how I happen to look and the quality of my haircut.” Hair concerns may also involve other body hair. Men may be preoccupied with supposedly uneven, light, or heavy beard growth. Men or women may think they have too much or too little body hair.

Nose Concerns

Nose concerns are also very common. About 60% of people with nose concerns worry that their nose is too large. More than a quarter worry that it’s bumpy or misshapen. People with nose concerns are especially likely to have surgery—often repeated surgeries.

Total Body Concerns

BDD can also involve larger body areas. Some people dislike virtually their entire body. About one-quarter of men with BDD are preoccupied with their overall body build, thinking they look too small or inadequately muscular. This form of BDD is called “muscle dysmorphia”. Others—often women—are concerned that they’re too large or overweight. In studies up to 22% of female BDD sufferers were excessively concerned with their weight.

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Part, Face, Hair, Hair Concerns, Image, Nails, Nose Concerns, Self Hate, Skin, Skin Concerns, Total Body Concerns

Acne and The Makings of Body Dysmorphic Disorder

October 4, 2012 By Stephen

MY ESCAPE

I am thirty five, day one of this blog should have started over 18 years ago. But I was living in denial. The constant mirror checking, the self hatred, the shame, the fear of catching my reflection in a car window… The inability to enter a dressing room.

As a man the shame was even greater. I had to hide it even deeper. I am not vain, in fact I love everybody for who they are… Except for one person. Myself.

ACNE

zit

It began with Acne when I was in high school. I would stare at each pimple in contempt. It was a small thing at first.  And then I lost control. Everything I did to prevent each pimple only made things worse. They hurt, not just emotionally but physically. I could feel them on my face and I could feel people looking into them, looking past me.

It started as one, but as hormones took over one became many. And after time they would leave a small scar, a mark on my skin,  and shame was all that was left.

I would admire those who were scarred more than me who did not seem to care.

What I never understood was the casual response of others to my facial scarring .  I told very few people of my concerns over my skin and when I did it was only because I ran out of other options. When I was 16 I approached my mom seeking a trip to the doctor to find some kind of treatment for my skin.  She provided reassurance that my teenage acne was just a phase, and that mine was really not that bad.

In desperation I tried every product I could get my hands on.

First it was benzoyl peroxide 10%, several iterations of Oxy and Clearasil, this turned into excessive face washing.  I would carry skin cleansing alcohol pads in my bag at all times. I would sneak into the bathroom during my breaks to wash my face. Only in this clean and non oily state would I find a bit of peace. And then the oil would return, It was a disgusting layer that I was always conscious of.

The oil to me was a breeding ground for more acne and I was on the offensive. But the more I washed my face the more acne I would acquire. The acne blemishes seemed to always come at the wrong time. My first high school dance welcomed several new lesions. Those would remain for several months. Much longer than my date who left me after we entered the gymnasium.  Further proof, in my mind, that I was gross and unworthy of affection.

I finally made it to a dermatologist who started me on oral antibiotics. This helped so much! After the first month when the acne became worse I found my face clear for almost 3 whole months.  My confidence grew leaps and bounds, I would look at myself with affection for the first time. I remember this time quite well, it was the first time I could talk to someone face to face without the feeling of the blemishes on my face.

And then the antibiotics stopped working, the acne seemed to become worse, and now unstoppable. I retreated to what I knew best.

Washing and salicylic acid and topical antibiotics and more checking.

The avoidance of mirrors. The occasional avoidance of life.

Filed Under: Makings of BDD Tagged With: Acne, BDD, Beginnings, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Skin