BDD SUCKS

Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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The Mask of Vanilla Skies – Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder

September 12, 2016 By Stephen

facial-prosthesis

Intrigued by a scene of Tom Cruise disfigured after a car accident, I paid $2.99 to rent Vanilla Sky on Amazon Prime.

In the movie, Tom Cruise portrays a rich entitled playboy who inherited his father’s multi-million dollar business and is disfigured in a car accident.

Because his top-notch team of surgeons cannot reconstruct his face he is provided with a “facial prosthesis” (i.e a mask) to wear while he learns to accept his new appearance.

I could relate, after my facial laceration, I wore a facial prosthesis in the form of a bandaid for several weeks.

I would hesitate to pull it off, and when I had it on my cheek I felt protected and safe.

From this standpoint it made sense, but the reaction of course to Tom and his mask is understandable.

Expressionless, yet flawless, the mask does very little except protect his ego

And sure enough, when Tom removes it, he is on the receiving end of taunts, pity, and free shots of tequila.

It doesn’t help that the disfigurement turns him into an A+ rated ass-hole.

It isn’t the scar that makes him mean, angry and hateful. It is his reaction to his circumstances.

Regardless, I wanted so much to have a facial prosthesis.

As the movie progresses Tom discovers that his team of surgeons has a new incredible procedure that will render him scar-free.

He takes the “purple pill” and awakes perfectly reconstructed… He has a lot of wonderful sex with his partner “Sofia” played by Penelope Cruz. His life becomes full again, he is happy, he is with friends, he is out and about. He receives the respect and envy of his colleagues.

I won’t give away the ending, but the movie makes a point… Disfigured, Tom’s life is a living hell, yet when the scars are gone his life is complete.

This is the fear many of us suffer with every day as we awake to our BDD

how-people-stare

There is a bathroom scene in the movie that I live every day. After my injury I would wake at night, turn on the light and pray that it was all a bad dream. Which of course it was not… Unlike Tom in Vanilla Sky, I have to find a way to live, make a life with my disfigurement.

With my BDD this is so much harder because now I do have something to obsess about, to identify as the root cause of my pain and suffering and social anxiety.

For a large part of the movie, I was hoping that the medical team had played a mind trick on Tom, convincing him that he wasn’t actually scarred, hacking his mirrors, and showing that disfigurement is all in the mind. Proving, once and for all, that how we perceive our face matters more than what we actually look like.

This would have been a better take-home message from the movie.

But Vanilla Sky falls short in this regard, and although it is a thoughtful critique, the movie simply reinforces many of the stereotypes that make me want a facial prosthesis in the first place.

Filed Under: Facial Scar Tagged With: Face, mask, mirrors, Scar

Location of Perceived Defects in Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

May 9, 2013 By Stephen

Studies, illustrates that BDD can strike virtually anywhere. The skin, hair, and nose are most often disliked. It’s likely that people underreport worries about certain body areas—for example, breasts and genitals—because they’re embarrassed, and that the true percentages for such areas are higher than those listed here.

Body Part Percent (%) of Patients with Concern
Skin
Hair
Nose
Weight
Stomach
Breast/chest/nipples
Eyes
Thighs
Teeth
Legs (overall)
Body build/bone structure
Ugly face (general)
Face size/shape
Lips
Buttocks
Chin
Eyebrows
Hips
Ears
Arms/wrist
Waist
Genitals
Cheeks/cheekbones
Calves
Height
Head size/shape
Forehead
Feet
Hands
Jaw
Mouth
Back
Fingers
Neck
Shoulders
Knees
Toes
Ankles
Facial muscles
73
56
37
22
22
21
20
20
20
18
16
14
12
12
12
11
11
11
9
9
9
8
8
8
7
6
6
6
6
6
6
6
5
5
3
3
3
2
1

* The percentages add up to more than 100% because people are usually concerned with more than one aspect of their appearance.

Skin Concerns:

Skin concerns are most frequent. Two-thirds of people with skin concerns obsess about perceived acne or scarring. This is followed by concerns with marks (in one-third) and skin color (in one-quarter), with people typically thinking their skin is too red or too white. But virtually any aspect of the skin can be disliked—facial pores that are considered unusually large, veins, capillaries, or other skin flaws. Others obsess about wrinkles, lines, sagging, shriveling, or stretch marks, which they may consider signs of aging.

Some people have multiple skin concerns. They become obsessed with supposed facial acne and scars, as well as veins, which were barely discernible to other people. They excessively check mirrors and repeatedly ask family for reassurance, asking “Do you think this pimple will go away? Will I have a scar?” To improve their skin, people will spend lots of time applying makeup and picking at their face, sometimes using pins. People will compulsively wash their hands.

Hair Concerns

Hair concerns are also very common. The most common worries focus on hair loss, thinning, or balding (a concern of one-third of people who dislike their hair) and excessive facial or body hair (also one-third). But hair obsessions may focus on virtually any aspect of the hair: it’s too curly, too straight, too full, not full enough, uneven, messy, or dirty.

While men are more likely to worry about thinning hair, women have this concern as well.  Getting a haircut is usually very distressing for people with hair concerns. “I’m terrified of getting my hair cut,”. “Getting the right haircut is crucial. How I feel and function depends on how I happen to look and the quality of my haircut.” Hair concerns may also involve other body hair. Men may be preoccupied with supposedly uneven, light, or heavy beard growth. Men or women may think they have too much or too little body hair.

Nose Concerns

Nose concerns are also very common. About 60% of people with nose concerns worry that their nose is too large. More than a quarter worry that it’s bumpy or misshapen. People with nose concerns are especially likely to have surgery—often repeated surgeries.

Total Body Concerns

BDD can also involve larger body areas. Some people dislike virtually their entire body. About one-quarter of men with BDD are preoccupied with their overall body build, thinking they look too small or inadequately muscular. This form of BDD is called “muscle dysmorphia”. Others—often women—are concerned that they’re too large or overweight. In studies up to 22% of female BDD sufferers were excessively concerned with their weight.

Filed Under: Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder Tagged With: BDD, Body, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Part, Face, Hair, Hair Concerns, Image, Nails, Nose Concerns, Self Hate, Skin, Skin Concerns, Total Body Concerns