I started going to church again this week.

It has been a while…  Certain things happen in life and I am not sure if there is a reason for them or not.

But my recent trip to Haiti landed smack dab in the middle of the worst depression and anxiety I have had over my image concerns in quite some time.

I was extremely excited to fulfill a lifelong dream of providing much needed medical care in a third world country.

The recent facial laceration I sustained sent me over the edge and I had trouble leaving the house, not to mention going to work and seeing my patients.

As I have mentioned before, I started to perform all the same positioning routines, mirror checking and obsessive rituals. I had to place myself for the first time on antidepressants; I started to have suicidal thoughts.

I treat a lot of people with anxiety disorders. My situation may or may not be unique but I am talking about it because I want you to know that even those of us who sit on the other side of the exam room table experience these types of illnesses. Even though I have an awareness of my body dysmorphic disorder it doesn’t mean it is any easier for me to cure it.

Seeking God

On our trip to Haiti we prayed several times every day.

We would pause and take a moment to thank God for things that I normally take for granted:

Things such as good health, access to good food and clean water, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, a family that loves me, a chance to receive an educations, a chance to live life with a goal of more than day to day survival.

Taking time to recognize our blessings can have a powerful effect. It makes you ask the most important questions: Where do these blessing come from? And what did I do to deserve them?

When you realize you don’t have an answer to this, you are required to look beyond yourself.

Up to this point in time, at least for the last month all I could think about was how hard my life was now that I had this facial scar. All I could think about was how the world was unfair, how my looks were God’s way of playing a cruel trick on me.

In the face of extreme poverty, starvation, homelessness and despair it became increasingly hard to feel sorry for myself.

It was a reminder of the many blessings I have been given, a chance to stop blaming God and be thankful.  Thankful for the little things I take for granted, which in comparison were not so little after all.