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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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In The Arms of Little Children

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The day before yesterday I was headed to pick my son up from school.

My wife and I decided we would take the kids’ razor scooters the 7 blocks down to my sons school on a nice sunny day and have fun riding with him on the way back.

I needed to get out of the house since I had been working all day. I took a run up in the woods earlier but besides that, I had kind of isolated myself. Pretty typical Thursday.

The workweek had been hard on me, the anxiety I felt covering my nose was exhausting, plus it was a busy week.

So I went into the bathroom to cover up my nose, and I lost it.

I mean I just completely went from happy (enough) to pissed off and angry at the world.

I walked out and just yelled to my poor wife, asking why this had to happen to my nose! Why did life keep crapping on poor me!

She did something she has never done before and she just walked out of the room and got on the kids’ scooter and left.

I was pissed and hurt and angry at the world.

I felt like a caged animal in the house so I figured I would take a drive to blow of some steam, and then my mom showed up with my daughter who was kind enough to pick her up from ballet class.

I forgot that it was that time of the day.

Then something happened

My daughter just walked up and gave me the biggest kid hug you could ever imagine, and she just stood their and held me for at least one minute.

It humbled me and I could feel my anger, resentment and shame melting into my feet and into the concrete that lined our driveway.

The power of a 6 year old is immense, children understand some things better than us adults.

My daughter calls the red spot on my nose “cute”. It makes me smile, and I love her for this.

So today I am grateful for little children because their power to help is immense and unbridled and often unexpected.

They are wonderful medicine to overcoming BDD.

When my son and wife got home, I forgave my wife for walking out on me, OK she really had nothing to be forgiven for but, I forgave myself for yelling and being irrational.

I hope today is a better day, I am sitting on the bed with my kids and my wife is off to work. They are begging for breakfast so I guess I have to get off my ass.

To you all, may you have a better day as well.

– Stephen

Books Worth Reading

Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a wonderful book written by Brian Cuban – The brother of famed billionaire and tech mogul Mark Cuban from The Shark Tank. It is great to finally hear a man’s voice in this space. The book is honest, timely, and gives practical advice that we can all use to overcome BDD. The book is also available in the Kindle Lending library which is how I found it. This is a must-read.
The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A fantastic, concise, and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information! Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients.
Feeling Good about the Way You Look A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems

This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions

This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been ingrained in your memory for decades. I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self-directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.

About Stephen

My name is Stephen and I was officially diagnosed with BDD in October of 2012. I have lived with it my whole life. This blog is my story, my shame, and my path to recovery. It starts on Day 1 of my new life. To live, and love myself, to teach others how to do the same, and learn more about what it means to live with body dysmorphic disorder. Here are some resources that I use...