Sometimes things happen in life that make no sense whatsoever.
Or they are so ironic that they are unexplainable by natural phenomena.
8 days ago, while traveling through Hoi An Vietnam my wife was hit unexpectedly by a moped.
She was knocked unconscious and later airlifted out of Vietnam to Bangkok Bumrungrad Hospital where I write this post.
The events leading up to her eventual transfer were nightmarish and something I would never wish upon anyone.
She sustained 8 facial fractures that required special repair by two plastic surgeons and several titanium plates.
The reason we left for this around the world trip was because of my state of mind prior to the trip.
My state of mind was the result of an injury and a facial laceration that left a 1.5 inch atrophic scar on my left cheek.
My BDD drove me into a deep depression and eventually I found myself going mad, this trip was an escape, and besides that it has provided the soulful nourishment to lift me out of my depression and open my eyes once again to the beauty of the world. We were growing stronger and more resilient as a family.
Now, the fears of facial scars and public ridicule that started this trip are coming full circle. As my wife lay in her hospital bed awaiting surgery I can’t help but wonder if there is a reason for this. How could our trip be created and ended by similar yet very different circumstances?
Is there a lesson here?
My wife has been stoic, she is 2 days post-op, swollen and in a bit of pain. Yet she is recovering quite well. We are grateful she is a alive and well. When I see her I will always see perfection, there is nothing that can steal her beauty inside and out. Yet, my BDD is still here, having retracted but only a little.
We are going to continue, a week more in Bangkok and we will pick up where we left off. How will this experience change the way I see myself? This remains to be seen, but I have a feeling there is something percolating inside, a lesson to steal away from all this madness.
his is a wonderful book! Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
Dear Stephen….I think one of the most important lessons is too stop look at your self so much. Even as your wife had to endure this terrible accident…you r thinking about your self. Try to be selfless n i know that is the mission of your trip. Another thing important is too not claim and manifest bdd in your life. Its a seed that will grow if u let it. Dont try to connect everything to it. U have manifested all of this in your life so it has become your life. Blessings
You are probably right Samantha, I have taken care to be strong and supportive for my wife and kids, although I tend to vent my internal frustrations here on the blog, this does indeed come across as selfish I know, but BDD is selfish. The attention I pay to my physical “shortcomings” take my time and attention away from what matters most. Why am I still tormented by the bright hospital lights and mirrored elevators of the hospital? My mind always exists in 2 places. One enduring my shame, the other trying to pour out any love I have left on those around me. Here is my shame, all over this page and this last post.
Stephen, please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s ok to express your feelings on your blog. I know if you could stop thinking about your scars, you would. Only those with BDD can truly understand. Sometimes I feel like that’s the hardest part of all. I hope your wife is okay.
Thank you Daniela, that means a lot to me!