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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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I Hold the Key

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Can you imagine a prisoner holding the key to his cell and choosing not to use it?

Why? Because inside the cell, despite the cold wet air, the lack of light and sun and warmth and human interaction it seems safe.

The world out there has it’s own complexities. Worries that as an inmate I don’t have to face.

Like shame and ridicule and stare downs and the constant feeling of disappointment.

Is this even real? That people feel disappointed when they see me? I am supposed to be a young, confident, good looking young man, but instead I carry these scars.

If I am not a disappointment to others, well then I disappoint myself.

So today I will stay in my prison cell, and make excuses. It seems better this way.

Otherwise I will have to face the anxiety and push through it.  Today I am exhausted and the thought of having to resist the urge to hide all day seems to much to bear.

I would rather close the door and hold the key.

Books Worth Reading

Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a wonderful book written by Brian Cuban – The brother of famed billionaire and tech mogul Mark Cuban from The Shark Tank. It is great to finally hear a man’s voice in this space. The book is honest, timely, and gives practical advice that we can all use to overcome BDD. The book is also available in the Kindle Lending library which is how I found it. This is a must-read.
The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A fantastic, concise, and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information! Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients.
Feeling Good about the Way You Look A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems

This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions

This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been ingrained in your memory for decades. I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self-directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.

About Stephen

My name is Stephen and I was officially diagnosed with BDD in October of 2012. I have lived with it my whole life. This blog is my story, my shame, and my path to recovery. It starts on Day 1 of my new life. To live, and love myself, to teach others how to do the same, and learn more about what it means to live with body dysmorphic disorder. Here are some resources that I use...

Comments

  1. zac says

    hy . i have just found your blog . reading the start from 2012 page 19*
    till the page one .( 5 years and ur tealling ur story with bdd ). for me .im a guy from morooco not so good in english . but i can handle my self a little bit .i started suffering from this illness at the age of 16 and now im 20 and still suffer (WORRYING ABOUT THE SHAPE OF MY NOSE . SKIN . THE DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES .SOMETIMES EVEN THE SHAPE OF HEAD WAS A CONCERN TO ME ) .no familly support unlike you . just me all alone in my own dealing with this illness . wich cost me the lost of 3 years of my eduction cuzing me (a severe depresion .suicidal thoughts .isolation .lonelines and the list goes on) . till today im still dealing with Symptoms of that devil that eating me inside and killing me slowly . i fell like a death walking . i spend more than 90 % of the day checking myself in the mirror.it’s something very hard to deal with and very exhausting both physically and mentally..especially when u get no support from the outstage or family . and EVEN IF THEY DID .NO ONE ACTUALLY CAN HELP IT WAS A WAR BETWEEN ME AND MYSELF i feel like i’m killing myself by myself . i fell i’m the enemy of myself . i feel that the solution is the problem and the problem is the solution .should i love my self ? or hate myself ?cuz in the both cases i’m not feeling ok .im really confused about my life and feeling so broke down . i lost 3 years of my life and my education for nothing . when i supposed to enjoy my teenage years i was suffering with self instead .now that i wake up my eyes . i fell like a loser and failure to let that devil (bdd) ruin 3 years of my life . now im trying so hard to move on with myself and let go .but the demon of the past is holding me back everytime i try to step my feet forward .REMINDING ME OF ALL THOSE HEARTBROKEN MOMENTS .ALL THAT PAIN AND MISERY .WE ALL HEAR OF THE PAIN AND THE GRIEF CAUSED BY A BREAK UP . OR THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE . BUT FOR ME THAT WASN’T THE CASE . ITS WASNT BREAK UP .IT WASN’T A LOSS . IT WAS FIGHTING MYSELF . my own body .
    I’M CONSIDERING MYSELF AS A LUCKY PERSON TODAY TO FOUND YOUR BLOG AND TELLING THE STORY OF YOUR JOURNEY WITH BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) which described every edge and side of what i was dealing with .I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DESCRIBING EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH . YOUR JUST TILLING MY STORY . I FELT EVERY PART .
    NOW IN MY WAY OF HEALING AND GET OUT OF THIS . I CAN FEEL IT . I’M IN WAY TO HEAL AND FEEL OK ABOUT MYSELF . CUZ I SPENT ALL THE TIME READING HELPING BOOKS ABOUT THAT MATTER AND COMMITED MY WORD TO STOP THIS MESS IN MY LIFE .
    BUT THE PROBLEM STILL .THE PAIN AND THE NIGHTMARE OF THOSE PAST 3 YEARS ARE STILL WALKING AROUND . WAITING THE PERFECT TIME TO GET ME AGAIN TO BOKE ME AND LET ME DOWN . LEAVING ME STUUGLE WITH THE WAVES OF THE PAST.
    IM HERE WRITING TO YOU . SEEKING FOR HELP AND ADVICES THAT CAN LEAD ME FOR THE RIGHT WAY .YOUR STORY HAS TOUCHED ME AND FELT THE SOME WAY U DID . SO I THINK U ARE MORE WISDOM, THAN I DO . THATS WHY IM WRITING FOR U IN HOPE U CAN HELP ME TO GET OUT OF THIS .
    AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UR COURAGE TO SHARE YOUR STORY AND YOUR JOURNEY WITH (BDD) . I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT . I HOPE U READ MY STORY . THANK FOR THE INTREST AND HOPE GET AN ANSWeR FROM YOU SOON .WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND success IN LIFE .