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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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BDD and Vulnerability

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I am reading a wonderful book right now – Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, by Brene Brown. 

I have read her previous book in 2013 after watching her now famously viral Ted Talk on shame research. It moved me then and her new book brings even more insights to the reasoning behind BDD (although it is not written for this purpose). 

This new book is about vulnerability. Just 17% of the way through the book I am convinced that a fear of vulnerability is the underlying cause of BDD. 

Vulnerability is ………

Finish the above statement and see what you come up with. 

For me:

Vulnerability is going outside without may manly makeup on my nose.

Vulnerability is having a face to face conversation with someone in bright halogen lighting.

Vulnerability is camping with friends and having to get out of the shower when the hot water has caused my nasal bridge scar to flush. 

Vulnerability is anything that may result in criticism or judgement from another human being about my face. 

I don’t like vulnerability

Vulnerability is taking my daughter to a birthday party and having to deal with a temper tantrum in public which will draw  attention. 

Vulnerability is having a Skype conversation because I can’t stand the self facing camera. 

Vulnerability is looking in the mirror and dealing with my own self criticism and hate. 

My BDD and the social anxiety that comes with it, stems from a fear of being vulnerable. I am afraid of that glance  (perceived or real) at my scars, or even worse a comment. 

Yet, at the same time I seek out and admire anyone who would allow themselves to be vulnerable, to embrace their imperfections. 

I want to experience your vulnerability but I do not want to be vulnerable. 

Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. 

I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine. 

It’s vulnerability that is the basic building block of all human relationships. If I can let myself be vulnerable, I can break the bonds that hold me back from freedom from my BDD. 

Thus begins the journey of 1,000 miles, and it begins with embracing my imperfections and presenting them proudly to the world. 

And this, makes me feel very, very vulnerable. 

– Stephen  

Books Worth Reading

Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a wonderful book written by Brian Cuban – The brother of famed billionaire and tech mogul Mark Cuban from The Shark Tank. It is great to finally hear a man’s voice in this space. The book is honest, timely, and gives practical advice that we can all use to overcome BDD. The book is also available in the Kindle Lending library which is how I found it. This is a must-read.
The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A fantastic, concise, and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information! Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients.
Feeling Good about the Way You Look A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems

This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions

This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been ingrained in your memory for decades. I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self-directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.

About Stephen

My name is Stephen and I was officially diagnosed with BDD in October of 2012. I have lived with it my whole life. This blog is my story, my shame, and my path to recovery. It starts on Day 1 of my new life. To live, and love myself, to teach others how to do the same, and learn more about what it means to live with body dysmorphic disorder. Here are some resources that I use...