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Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder - My Story of Living With BDD

"It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
~ Henry David Thoreau

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This is the Story of My Life Living With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Hope – The Lost Frontier on the Road to Overcome BDD

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My hair is long, and itchy, yet I don’t know how to get a haircut as the fear of the cutting room mirror haunts me.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about dying, because that is all I want.

Not to die necessarily, but to sleep. To set the worry and the anxiety aside. I wish there was a pill for this.

Alcohol gives me a temporary respite from the horrors of my mind, I have to take Ambien to sleep.

I just took one because I am up and it is three thirty in the morning. I want to be asleep.

Hope: the lost frontier

I have lost the last thing that I had to hold onto

I have lost hope of a better tomorrow. Instead it is one filled with scarring, that I can’t escape.

I fear this entire “learning process” may end in my early exit… A door in the back of the theater, that is reserved for emergency personal.  This is such an emergency.

Why I have lost hope in the face of this above all else blows my mind.

Maybe it is the lack of will power, or maybe, it is that a facial scar is a wound to deep.

Exposing me for what I truly am:

A coward and a fraud of the worst kind.

Hope is lost over the horizon.

Books Worth Reading

Shattered Image: My Triumph Over Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a wonderful book written by Brian Cuban – The brother of famed billionaire and tech mogul Mark Cuban from The Shark Tank. It is great to finally hear a man’s voice in this space. The book is honest, timely, and gives practical advice that we can all use to overcome BDD. The book is also available in the Kindle Lending library which is how I found it. This is a must-read.
The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A fantastic, concise, and essential book to understand the diagnosis and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a fairly short and easy read, that is full of top-notch information! Material is complete and presented in an organized and useful way. The understanding enabled for both client and therapist is one of the main traits of this book. And the author is obviously committed to the betterment/healing of her clients.
Feeling Good about the Way You Look A Program for Overcoming Body Image Problems

This is a wonderful book!  Written by the Director of the MGH OCD and Related Disorders Program, and Founder of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic, this book offers individuals suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder with critical tools to understand BDD and to bring their disorder under control. The step by step approach detailed in the book is exactly what is needed for patients and clinicians alike. I have enthusiastically been recommending it to all of my clients who have BDD, and to colleagues interested in learning more about it. This book offers new hope to the millions of people worldwide who live with this troubling, but treatable disorder.
The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obsessions

This workbook really delves into the thought processes of a person who suffers from this exhausting illness. The worksheets and exercises really cause you to challenge the beliefs which have been ingrained in your memory for decades. I would highly recommend this workbook for anyone who is self-directed and able to work through the exercises on their own.

About Stephen

My name is Stephen and I was officially diagnosed with BDD in October of 2012. I have lived with it my whole life. This blog is my story, my shame, and my path to recovery. It starts on Day 1 of my new life. To live, and love myself, to teach others how to do the same, and learn more about what it means to live with body dysmorphic disorder. Here are some resources that I use...