Can you imagine a prisoner holding the key to his cell and choosing not to use it?
Why? Because inside the cell, despite the cold wet air, the lack of light and sun and warmth and human interaction it seems safe.
The world out there has it’s own complexities. Worries that as an inmate I don’t have to face.
Like shame and ridicule and stare downs and the constant feeling of disappointment.
Is this even real? That people feel disappointed when they see me? I am supposed to be a young, confident, good looking young man, but instead I carry these scars.
If I am not a disappointment to others, well then I disappoint myself.
So today I will stay in my prison cell, and make excuses. It seems better this way.
Otherwise I will have to face the anxiety and push through it. Today I am exhausted and the thought of having to resist the urge to hide all day seems to much to bear.
I would rather close the door and hold the key.